2008-06-25 - 4:09 p.m.
Better Angels Inner Demons
Better angels must learn new ways to better.
Inner demons brew new poisons to pour in the ear daily.
They perform variations on the same trick,
Like cheap clever magicians with no imagination.
They placate the good impulses and electrify the
Worst in us.
Every day you make me learn to be better.
Every day I stumble and fall and you make me pick up.
And then my better angels fall into new traps.
I forget.
I forget one of the best reasons I love you.
You are open.
You wear your heart on the outside and it is so beautiful.
But it�s always exposed. Always on the outside.
Always beautiful. And fragile.
And I forget that.
I remember how you love me.
I remember your better angels and I depend on them.
But I forget your beautiful and fragile heart.
And our inner demons wage their wars.
They pour the poison in my ear,
�She loves you. She�ll get over it.
Everything will be alright by morning.�
And it�s true. You do love me. You do forgive me.
But it gives me no right to not care.
It gives me no right to assume that you�ll forgive me.
To not consider that I hurt your delicate
Beautiful
Heart.
Inner demons. Better angels.
You�re strong.
Strong because you feel it all.
Strong because you can�t not.
Strong because you feel it all everyday and keep moving.
I�m not that strong. Not like you.
I develop calluses.
Try not to feel.
Try not to hurt.
You hurt and can�t not.
And still fight on.
I run and hide.
Pretend I�m people I�m not.
Drown it all out with laughter
Beer
Smoke
Escape.
I�m not strong like you.
I try and shrug it off.
Try and forget it all.
And some times I do it to you.
I should never.
You work so hard.
Fight so hard.
For me.
For us.
And sometimes I just lay down.
And hide.
Because my inner demons tell me so.
This is not an apology. This is not an appeasement. This is not a dissertation, explanation, or exculpation. It�s just something I needed say. Something I needed to learn. And say aloud. Because I love you. I could never do without you.
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